Innocence
by Bingalicious Midnight
Summary: Sirius sit in his cell and thinks. Is he really innocent?


**Innocent?**

Sirius sat with his back pressed up against the cold, rough wall. He shivered slightly, though every once in a while a convulsive shudder ripped through him and banged his shoulder blades on the wall..

There was a time when he'd have stood up, jumped around a bit, and tried to rub some life into his heavy limbs. But that was a time when running a few feet wouldn't crash him into a wall and when nearing a door and what waited beyond it wouldn't make him consider suicide.

That time was far away now, and the memories seemed to belong to someone else. Each day he spent here sent them further and further away.

The small tray of food sat untouched near the door. Sirius's stomach rumbled and moaned like a scared dog.

He knew he should go to the meal. He could imagine how it would feel, the movement of rocking forward slightly, straightening his legs so that he stood, and then each step across the cell. Then he'd bend down, putting his fingers around the chilly metal of the tray—

His stomach whined again, ending its plea in what sounded like thunder.

"Alright," Sirius said aloud to no one. His voice was hoarse from misuse. Though not talking to himself too often might be a sign that he wasn't crazy.

It was probably better to be crazy in this hole.

Fighting away the lethargy, he stood up and walked to the tray. He braced himself against the well of misery that spread from the dementor outside his door. But it hit him as it did every day, and suddenly he was picking through the wreckage he was asking Peter for a favor he was laughing with James for the last time…

He grabbed the tray and hurried back the corner, the farthest he could get from the dementor's dark images.

But, as they did every day, the memories lingered and suddenly he had no appetite. He stared at the food (an unappetizing bowl of soup and a roll that had seen better days), but his thoughts floated away to that day when…

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"Are you sure, Sirius?" James asked. "We trust you. We know you won't give us away."

Lily nodded, seated next to her husband at the Potter's kitchen table. From their postures, Sirius could tell that they were tightly clasping each other's hands under the small round kitchen table.

Sirius sighed. "And you're right about that—if I had a choice, I would die rather than let _them_ know where you are."

"Is that what you're worried about?" Lily asked suddenly. "Dying for us?"

Sirius opened his mouth in protest, but James was faster. "Because we understand that completely," James said. "We don't want to put your life at risk, and I feel bad for asking you to do so. We completely understand if you don't want to do this." He finished his short speech by patting the table with his free hand for emphasis.

Sirius shook his head, allowing a baby of a smile to pull at his lips. "I appreciate your concern," he said lightly. "But that actually isn't why I brought this up."

Both Lily and James nodded for him to continue, but both of their arm muscles tightened, and he knew they were entwining their fingers and gripping each other's hands with more force.

"It's just that…" Sirius began. "Well, I've heard that You-Know-Who and the Death Eaters can get information from people, whether those people want to tell them anything or not. And while you know I don't want to tell them anything, I may not be able to resist."

James swallowed. "They might torture you," he said, but Sirius had the feeling James was talking to himself.

Sirius reached over the table and patted James's hand. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty," he said. "And I meant truth serums and the like as well. I want you two and Harry to be safe."

"So who do you propose we should make our secret keeper if not you?" Lily asked. "Dumbledore?"

"No!" Sirius exclaimed hotly, though at that moment he couldn't say why. From their surprised expressions, Lily and James were probably wondering the same.

"He's… the Death Eaters probably suspect him more than me," Sirius said, as the reason for his aversion forming in his mind. "And he is much more important than me in this war. The last thing he—and everyone on our side—needs is for You-Know-Who to be after him for this too."

Lily and James exchanged glances. "You're probably right," James said finally.

Slightly nodding his head, Sirius remained silent.

"If not Dumbledore, then who do you suggest?" Lily prodded.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Now, this may seem a little crazy, but it has to be someone incredibly… unlikely. Someone that You-Know-Who would never suspect."

"That's not crazy," James offered. "I take it you have someone in mind?"

"Yes, and he's the crazy part. What would you say to Peter as your secret keeper?"

James and Lily shared glance. Lily's half-squinted eyes were dubious, though James's were wider and more accepting.

"I don't know," said Lily slowly.

She did give in eventually.

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On some days, Sirius felt innocent. He remembered the burning feeling of betrayal when he had been incarcerated unfairly, and that acidic anger had held up for quite a long time. He had been innocent, how dare they keep him here, he was innocent and Peter was the liar! It was a chant that reverberated through his mind and almost drowned out the painful memories.

He picked the roll up from the tray, examining it in the dim light for a short time. Slowly, ever so slowly, he let it slip from his fingers and fall back down. It bounced on the tray and fell upside down. It looked to Sirius like a turtle, trapped on its back.

On some days he felt innocent. But innocence was not giving your friends to a traitor. Innocence was not shunning your duty for an unfounded worry.

Today, he didn't feel innocent at all.

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Yes, I know it doesn't have much point. It was one of those plot bunnies that won't go away until you write it.

But if you didn't think it was terrible, could you leave me a review?


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